The saucers on the screen annoy me

Well, you know me, I’m quite psychologically balanced (shout). Example, I’m not paranoid, after all, why are you all listening to me? No, I’m not paranoid, but I think Leïla Kaddour is obsessed with me. I get it, this Celtic weasel body raised in salted butter makes a lot of people sweat with desire. I’m not a man, I’m a candy, so much so that I’ll end up as Haribo’s muse, one day they’ll put me in a vat of licorice, I’ll end up rolled up inside, like pork in a spring roll. A white in a black roll, I’ll look like a Dalmatian sex. Leïla, there’s a misunderstanding, the wink I give at the beginning of the column, you thought it was for you, no, it’s for Daniel Morin. He’s always tempted me, that old goat, and if I don’t give in to his boom-like advances, it’s just to show him that there’s a before and after MeToo.

So, I explain for the Inter listener, who is listening to us while he is putting up his signs for tomorrow’s event, last weekend I was playing in the Savoy, and I noticed that the Petits Plats on the screen, the culinary chronicle of JT de Leïla, of whom only Jean Roucas in France said “ah yes, super well found, the title”, was also in Savoy. He had alerted me, as Van Gogh did not say. But I said to myself “it must be by chance”, they made raclette as a theme, there are few in the Vendée, they went to Savoy, well. And there, this weekend, I played in 35, the gender fluid department since it’s called Ille-et-Vilaine. It was close to Vitré, by the way it was the last one. I ended up in Brittany, this phrase is also the name of the regional porn I prepare with France 3 Bretagne.

So excited, the audience, in tears, swallowed pancakes with Xanax, shouting “how are we going to do without you?”, I told them “put that in perspective, there are other comedians”, they said “yeah, it’s not the same “, well, I kinda like it. After the show, I go back to the hotel, put on my Amel Bent pajamas, which are a bit tight for me because the maximum band size was 8 years, and there I try to connect to the wi-fi, which in Breton we call wi-fi.

Bad luck, I realize you need a password, we are in Brittany, so I try NolwennLeroy, it doesn’t work. I try Dans le cul la Normandie, it doesn’t work. I try GaletteSaucisse, it refers me to a local escort intranet service, so scared, I cut. I go down to the reception, the lady tells me “but finally get dressed, satyr”, I explain to him that in pajamas Amel Bent, it’s only good up to 8 years old, that’s why it looks like a crop top and the pants that I can’t ride higher than the knees . She said to me “well yes, but suddenly she gives a strange look to Amel Bent”. He gives me the hotel wi-fi password, which is “password”, I answer “bravo”, I go back to my room, I go to connect, when suddenly there is a knock, to scare the person, I shout ” I am DSK and at the moment I share this room with PPDA”, he replies “I’m Gwendoline-Soizic Le Gallec, from the GaletteSaucisse site, I took a nice piece of butter”.

But I, ever since I saw “The Last Tango in Paris”, have been afraid of butter, I do everything with olive oil, especially as I know that the actress Maria Schneider was in fact raped on the set. Finally, not warned by the director, this fdp of Bernardo Bertolucci, who had not informed her of a scene of sodomy to, I quote, to have her reaction as a girl and not as an actress, the world cinema of the time, was very unhealthy, sorry if you want us to have more than average funny movies with Arnaud Ducret or Kev Adams, but I prefer 10 times as much.

But let’s move on to the butter, I hide in my room, I open Twitter, and there an Internet user writes me “master, the saucers on the screen on Saturday were next to Rennes”, I jump, it’s me near Rennes, I know, because I smell the aromas of booze and some hashish emanating from this city of drugged leftists, and you can smell the people who don’t know where it’s coming from elsewhere they say “and bah don’t bother monks”.

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